Preparing to disclose.

Tomorrow morning I have the appointment with my GP. Since I made the appointment, I’ve been mulling over a couple of questions: Firstly, what am I going to tell? And then, what help do I actually want?

What am I going to tell? When I moved to the UK and registered with my GP, I was asked to make an appointment with a nurse to give my medical history. I never did. Partly because I never got around to it, but also partly because I was worried about disclosing my history of mental health problems and having that on my patient record. That’s still worrying me now.

Tomorrow, I will most likely tell the doctor that I’ve been feeling low for over 18 months and that I don’t feel that I’m getting better. It’s pretty vague, and I wonder whether it will be taken seriously enough to get me the help I want. I could disclose my suicidal thoughts, but although they’re preoccupying, I haven’t got a plan right now and I know that’s the question I’ll be asked as the measure of whether things are really serious.

Alternatively, I could disclose my mental health history. This may result in me being taken more seriously, but then that information is on my patient record and every time I seek help (for anything, not just my mental health) it may be seen through the lens of those previous diagnoses – diagnoses which I actually disputed at the time. Realistically, I feel okay about disclosing that I’ve had depression and that I’ve been prescribed Sertraline and Citalopram previously. Depression feels more acceptable, normal even. It’s what most people think of when we say ‘1 in 4’ of us will have a mental health problem. But I’m not okay with disclosing that I was treated by a psychiatrist and diagnosed with BPD and a borderline eating disorder, that I have a history of cutting, nor that I was diagnosed as alcohol dependent and attended alcohol counselling and AA.

And what help do I actually want? I know that I’m tired of feeling like this, and I want to be happy again. But I’m still not convinced that the GP can offer me anything that will help me achieve this. I expect that I will either not be offered any help, or if I am, it will be either anti-depressants or a referral for a few sessions of CBT that I may have to wait months for. CBT has not been hugely helpful for me in the past and I’ve already worked my way through plenty of online resources with little result. I’m not sure what face-to-face has to add. What I really want is a referral to a therapist, sometime quite soon, and a choice of who that therapist is and what type of therapy they’re offering.

There’s actually one other question on my mind: who will I be telling? I visit my GP so rarely that I don’t know any of the doctors and they don’t know me. I don’t know if the doctor I’m going to see has any expertise in dealing with mental health, or if they hold judgemental beliefs about people with mental health problems. This makes me feel like seeking help through my GP is actually a big risk: a negative experience could set me back, rather than moving me forward. Tomorrow will tell.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

2 thoughts on “Preparing to disclose.

  1. hazel says:

    Hi, well done for going to the doctors and I hope the meds start to take the weight off a bit. I just wanted to say that if you want therapy you can search the BACP website (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy) for therapists in your area, and go and try a few with initial sessions and see if you like any of them. Its private therapy so it costs but some do sliding scales of payment. I’ve done it a few times now and found a some really good ones, pick a kind one 🙂 even if you don’t think you deserve it 🙂

  2. […] Before that first GP appointment, I wrote: […]

Share your thoughts.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Advertisements
Sectioned

A blog about mental health & mental healthcare

Nectar Madness: My Bipolar Sapience

Views of a Bipolar lesbian offering intelligent & witty commentary, advocacy, advice, creativity, & reflection.

The Fementalists

At the intersection of feminism and mental health activism

Between the Lines

Said and Unsaid, On and Off the Couch

Swimming Upstream

Fighting the current of life.

Steph's Soapbox

What's on my mind today

Hello Sailor

This message of friendship and flowers

AnxiousElephant

Recovering, one step at a time

Angst Anarchy

The Chaotic Ramblings of a Humorous Sarcastic Madwoman

All that I am, all that I ever was...

I am more than my mental health. I am more than my homelessness. I am more than any one aspect of me. I am Addy. And this is...

aliceatwonderland

. . . down the rabbit hole

2bbritt

Various thoughts on various subjects

Deprifun

Fun in pills form as a complementary therapy to depression

This Is Who I Am.

Because We're All A Little Bit Different.

Emotional Wellness

Learning to Balance Mood Disorders Through Spirituality and Self-Love.

Rayven Mental's Blog

Life doesnt have a plus one!

%d bloggers like this: